Cultural Bipolarity

     In "Fish Cheeks," Amy Tan struggles with accepting her culture and being proud of who she is. She can't help but see all her favorite foods as gross and unnatural because that is how she feels an outsider would react to it. More than rejecting her Chinese culture, Tan's struggle is a matter of her two worlds colliding. She almost has two separate selves: one that enjoys her roots and family, and one is comfortable conforming to the society around her. But the truth is that its hard to maintain your culture when you're not constantly immersed  in it. After all, culture is immersion: it's the lifestyle we live according to the people and environment around us. And the truth is, it's difficult to expose a previously hidden part of yourself, especially when it's been concealed so carefully. It's hard to be yourself when you practically lead the life of a double agent: you speak different languages, eat different foods, and dress in different clothes. To this day, every time I start to explain a custom to someone, I get butterflies in my stomach. There is always a fear of rejection, of your culture. Of you.
     Being the byproduct of two cultures is a a great balancing act, and there is always a fear of falling. This same fear is what leads parents to smother their children with heritage. Like Tan's parents, my parents' greatest fear is my complete assimilation. And in an effort to prevent the unspeakable, they have overcompensated with a healthy dose of daily Indian-ness. And while i was running around juggling classical dance, vocal training, Sanskrit lessons, and yoga classes, my cousins in the motherland were forming a rock band. It seems as if, while I was desperately trying to remain connected to my roots, the world itself adopted a new culture. A culture that is a mixture of old and new, and one that celebrates diversity.
     It took me a long time to realize that people love to embrace new cultures. In the eyes of a real outsider, everything is exotic, interesting, and beautiful. Slowly but surely, my worlds are colliding: henna is synonymous with temporary tattoos, Slumdog Millionaire and The Life of Pi both won Oscars, and the ancient art of yoga is celebrated in gyms across America. In fact, the world seems more willing to accept my culture than I am to share it. And at this point in time it seems pointless remain culturally bipolar. Namaste.
Sincerely yours,
American-Born-Confused-Desi